I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
