how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
