so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
