So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
