sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
