so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
