all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
