my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
