the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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