She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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