I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
