Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
