His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
