I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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