i think my mom watched the whole time
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
