So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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