put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
