batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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