i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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