She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
