U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
