he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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