Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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