"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
