Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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