...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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