I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
