The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
