You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
