i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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