good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
