I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
