Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
