Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have aggressive nipples.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
