The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
