Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
