Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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