I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He better not be in your backpack
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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