I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
