She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
