OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
