So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
