I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
