I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
