Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
