guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
