saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
