You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
