i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
