but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
