Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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